Why should parents stop reading parenting books?

Should you let the baby cry? From what age should you enroll in the gym or the violin? Young parents throw themselves into books on childcare and education, eager to know what will be best for their children. Alison Gopnik, an American professor of psychology and philosophy protests against this bulimia of information and encourages us to trust ourselves more.

In the United States, the controversy is raging: should you opt for a stroller facing the parent or facing the world? Parents are torn on the Internet to find out which model will be the most beneficial for the awakening of their child. Futile? Yes, according to Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of Berkeley in the United States who publishes a book against the current: Anti-manual of education to ed. the Apple tree.

Wouldn't the questions we ask ourselves in terms of education be the right ones? According to the researcher who cites the latest studies, there is nothing to prove that whether or not to let a child cry, or whether or not to practice co-sleeping influences the future of the child.

Child development is a science that puts pressure on parents

So why do we need so much information to be good parents? “At the end of the 20th century, for the first time in history, parents had never taken care of a child before having one, notes Alison Gopnik. This is why, from birth, they throw themselves on all the manuals to find rules of good conduct." Without benchmarks, parents are looking for answers to all their practical questions.

Not a day goes by without new studies telling us more about child development. Consequently, we do not want to miss the boat of these first years, so decisive on its future. Foreign language, awakening to the gym or music, and no question of missing the right moment to introduce activities that would allow him to become a future genius.

Children learn best in a context

However, " children are the best apprentices in the world, explains the specialist. The best way is to provide them with a rich environment with things to explore and people who take care of them. " Because the child learns by imitating the adults. “ The everyday actions that we do unconsciously and naturally have much more influence than the advice we read, specifies the researcher. Being what we are, including our toddlers in our daily life is much more important. Science has shown us that children learn best when they are in a context", continues Alison Gopnik. Better to share with him his taste for cooking or table decoration, rather than fighting for him to practice a musical instrument from an early age if you are not a music lover yourself.

According to Alison Gopnik, parents think too much of their role as a job, with a key income. In other words, if we have done the job well, we expect our reward: a child who occupies a prestigious position. “ We have to think of it as a form of love and not as a form of work. When we love someone, we don't tell ourselves that we have to put a lot of energy and time into it. this love, " notes the researcher.

How do we free ourselves from textbooks?

- Take advice from those around you

Grandparents and friends are generally not asked to give their little tips that have worked. It is then up to everyone to draw and concoct their course of action. “ We are not going to go back to the time of villages and extended communities, adds Alison Gopnik. But we can make sure to recreate an atmosphere, a community of parents or older people, rather than looking for the app that will suit us. give a ready-made answer. "

- Observing your child 

You have to think about the parent-child relationship in the present: what is best for this child at that moment?

- Relax… and improvise 

After giving him love, care, and security, his parents improvise according to their feelings and their own culture. This is also the wealth of humanity. “You have to think of education as a garden, an ecosystem, compares the researcher. If you plant a single species of potato, supposedly perfect, at the slightest change in season, you lose your entire harvest. if you have different species, you will have a wonderful vegetable garden no matter what. 

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