The best parenting advice: how to be a good parent?
When a child's behavior raises questions, the first instinct is to read the advice of bloggers or parenting sites. " Parents are looking for a lot of information, notes Suzanne Vallières, psychologist and author of the Psy-guide for exhausted parents (Les Editions de l'Homme). There is so much available that it is difficult to distinguish a mum's blog that tells her daily life from information that is based on scientific bases. " How can you avoid having all this advice confuse your mind and confuse you more than it helps you?
Advice that is not universal
Be careful not to apply a ready-made recipe. " Parents will try to implement these tricks but often it does not work, explains the psychologist. " No matter where the information comes from, you have to put yourself back in your family context. If I am a single-parent family, recomposed, I do not have the same reality as a couple with a child ".
Trust each other
Trust yourself. No matter where the advice comes from, as long as you feel it deviates from your values as a parent, you won't be able to apply it. Suzanne Vallières observes this daily: " The example that I often see in my office is all these mothers who try to apply the 5-10-15 method. Namely letting the child cry at bedtime (5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins). Many mothers do not feel comfortable with this. In this case, it is better to drop it. Especially since my recommendation as a psychologist, is on the contrary to secure the child, to go see him and check what is happening."Still speechless, the baby is a sensitive being, he first feels the emotions. If the mother is anxious at the idea of letting her toddler cry, he will manifest himself even more because he feels a tension he does not understand.
Respect the development of the child
The age of the child is important. There are stages in his life. Take the example of a 2-year-old toddler. He goes through a phase that we call the " terrible two ". For him, everything is frustrating in the environment. Getting angry for a simple no is his way of expressing himself. " If the parents apply punishments that they have read from right to left, this can be harmful, warns Suzanne Vallières. Because the child needs to go through this stage of development. If he has the same behavior at 10 years old, the reaction will be very different. ”
Questioning what is behind his behavior
Until the age of 12, the child's behavior is a form of language. “ If he has seizures, has reactions that seem out of the ordinary to us, we have to ask ourselves: what does he want to tell us? ”, explains the psychologist. “ Parents often think that the child acts against them. But this is not the case. It is that he does not succeed in expressing his discomfort. “Did he have a problem at school? Have you moved? Does he see a change? This can already give the first answers.
Not constantly justifying yourself
The child likes routine. If there is a change (moving house, arrival of a new child, separation), this upsets his habits and he manifests himself. " Parents are often in defense mode, notes Suzanne Vallières. They are constantly trying to justify themselves: we moved because I had to change jobs. It's not my fault. But the child doesn't not looking for someone to be responsible for. He expresses his discomfort in the face of what awaits him. " It is up to adults to listen and support him. If the child is stressed because of a move, show him the environment where you will be moving. Let him express himself. You can tell him that you understand that this is difficult for him.
give yourself time
If you want to put in place new habits in the life of the child, know that it takes 21 days for them to take hold and for you to notice the benefits. For example, a change in bedtime habits, or a new morning routine to avoid running. That's why it's best to make these changes during the holidays when parents have more energy.
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