How To Be a happy, modern, and open dad?

Becoming a parent is such a major upheaval that some people find it difficult to manage it. Ensuring his role as a father, spouse and man is not so simple. We give you some keys to becoming the modern dad and comfortable in his sneakers that you deserve to be! 

Women do not have a monopoly on parenthood!

Parenthood is far from easy and even if the role of the mother has often been put forward for many years, for some time now surveys and questions have raised certain issues rather related to the role of the family father.

Women have long had the most exclusive and obligatory role of raising children, but for a little over twenty years, dads seem to be more concerned about their role as spouses and fathers. 

Being a father: building the paternal bond

When a child is born within a couple, the life of this one changes drastically and the statute of lover gives way to the role of spouse, protector but also of a father. Just like women who have just become mothers, men tend to grope their way to find their place and their legitimacy as the father figure of reference for this child with whom everything is to be discovered.

According to numerous surveys addressed to parents, two periods of a child's life are particularly difficult to apprehend for the mother and also for the father. These are the first years of the child, between 0 and 3 years more precisely, and the period of adolescence, much more spread out according to the personality of the adult in the making. The periods of high school and the first years of higher education are often the most sensitive for parents and their children because it is at this time that the elements of the child's primary and secondary socialization confront each other. In other words, it is the battle between what the child has always heard and understood and what he hears and wants or needs to understand. Systematically, this leads to a moral conflict in the developing adolescent, and the relationship with his parents is often put to the test. 

A small child often refers to his mother, who is automatically assigned responsibility for the child. He loves her unconditionally and finds it difficult to emancipate himself from her presence because she is his guarantee of tenderness and security. During this fusional relationship between mother and child, the father sometimes has trouble finding his place and feels like a stranger. Being a father forces men to express their sensitivity and it is not an easy thing for everyone since it is not a quality that is highly valued in men, even if it has been changing and evolving considerably for a few years now.

Unfortunately, we always tend to lock ourselves into a role that suits us and reassures us, as if we had to choose our status as a father and be content with it to ensure our legitimacy. Hen dad, accomplice dad, authoritarian dad… there is a multitude of adjectives to describe the role and behavior of a father. In reality, they do not correspond to many people. Being a dad means taking the risk of rediscovering yourself when you already think you know yourself., it's having to manage the feelings and perceptions that send you back to your childhood and accept being hurt or saddened by some of them. It's also making mistakes and questioning yourself, but above all, it's being responsible for the life of another and this aspect is as frightening as it is exciting and rewarding. 

A listening dad

As in a couple, the good relationship between a parent and his child is essentially based on trust. The unconditional love that you have for him and that he has for you in return is not a guarantee of trust, contrary to what one might think.

When a child is still young, he needs proof but does not yet know how to express it. Through moments of complicity, games, discussions, and even in your gestures, show him that he can trust you. The best way to get along with a child is to act in their way and according to their codes while remaining vigilant about their safety and answering their questions as honestly as possible, without embellishing reality too much. . Children are much less naïve than we would like to believe, they just don't have the words or the knowledge to understand precisely what is happening around them but they see, hear and above all feel.

Tell him about the world, make him make discoveries without necessarily wanting to orient his opinions, ask him questions, and listen to him. Even when the child is not yet old enough to express himself, talk to him as much as possible, touch him, look him in the eye, hug him and not just show him affection as a baby but for him to recognize you and imbibe your presence. 

“Cut the cord” with a teenager without breaking communication

When your child grows up, the bond you have with him changes as he asserts his personality and it is often during adolescence that he suffers the most. This is the period of the first big arguments, the first misunderstandings, and parental doubts and sometimes fathers manage this by over-affirming their authority or by showing great laxity to avoid conflicts.

Living with a teenager is not easy and seeing your child grow up brings back your childhood memories. First, you have to accept that your teenager grows and evolves differently from you, even if he looks a lot like you. Some fathers have a very close relationship with their children and this often takes a hit during adolescence because your child distances himself. Remember that you too probably distanced yourself from your loved ones at that time and that is completely normal.

Teenagers are often at odds with the "adult world" although they are about to become one and you represent the most concrete version of what it looks like. Your teenager is moving away because he needs to analyze this unknown environment to which he wants and fears to belong. To help him become the best version of himself and flourish, also show him that before being a father you are a man who asks himself questions, who doubts, who expresses his feelings, who amuses, who makes efforts and mistakes; in short, show him the adult that you have become “despite everything”. It may sound a little weird, but a growing teenager needs reassurance as if you were telling him: “Whatever you become, you will always have your place in my heart as a child and as an adult”.

If your child is sure of this, your relationship will be much more fluid and he will feel able to confide his doubts to you without fear of being judged or wrongly reprimanded. He will also share with you what he discovers and you will feel invested in his life as a young adult.

You will then better understand his choices and his orientations because the communication, even if it is very different from when he was a child, has never been broken

READ ALSO:

Basic Principles of Positive Parenting.