Basic Principles of Positive Parenting

What you need to know to adopt positive parenting

You have probably already wondered what was the best way to educate your child. Every parent has their own parenting style. Among the possibilities, positive parenting is the most recommended. Far from being lax, however, this method of benevolent education has the basic principle that the parent puts himself in the place of his child to understand what he is going through and support him in his development. It is above all in this mode of education to be a confidant, a friend, an adviser, and a father for your child.

The challenges of positive parenting

Sometimes referred to as caring parenting, respectful parenting, positive discipline, or nonviolent parenting, the core of this alternative approach remains the same: respect for the child, both physical and psychological.

Think back to your earliest childhood, you may have a memory that comes back to you: you wanted to start a new activity and make your parents proud of what you had accomplished, but the result disappoints you. You have received an unpleasant and negative comment. Eventually, you don't want to do it again because you feel like you're hurting.

Why not consider parenthood differently? If your child gets angry, cries, or snaps, isn't there a reason for these behaviors? According to his age, how does he function? His brain is in formation, does this influence his attitude? Absolutely. A caring approach can make it easier for you to handle complex situations.

The first concept to integrate to adopt positive parenting is to encourage dialogue, mutual respect, and listening. Accompanying your child will allow you to understand why he acts in a certain way and to offer him solutions.

8 basic principles of caring parenting

A benevolent education calls for the observance of a few basic principles.

1. Take some time for yourself

Freeing yourself from daily stress is very important. Children take up a lot of time and energy. Taking a little time to meet his needs and to get out of his parenting role will allow you to release the pressure a little. You will feel better and so it will benefit everyone.

Don't feel guilty about going for a walk to recharge your batteries; to help others, you need to start by taking good care of yourself. In addition, it will allow you to clear your head. You can therefore try to modify your organization slightly to recover a few minutes to dedicate a moment to yourself. Call a loved one, enjoy a hair appointment or relax on the terrace: do what you want.

Good humor is created in various ways. The ideal would be for you to be able to integrate yourself into these magical moments by associating them with everything that gives you well-being and plenitude. You must understand that you can take time for yourself while being with your wife. It is also an effective way to clear the air. No need to remind you how a rewarding sexual moment can relax and unwind.

Non-violent education calls for a perpetual questioning of oneself and a constant desire to understand the child. And you won't be able to do all of these things if you don't take the time to escape the daily pressures of work, social relationships, and the misunderstandings of married life. Failure to do so often could result in you unwittingly taking out your anger on your children, an expression of mishandling your accumulated personal frustrations.

2. Listen and respect the needs of the child

Children may tend to become angry or cry when a situation is beyond them. A good reflex is to ask yourself if he ate well, slept well, lacked cuddles or attention, or was over-stimulated.

Indeed, all of this can have an effect on your child's mood and attitude.

In such a situation, you can encourage communication and try to understand what is going on. Explain to him that if he tells you what's bothering him, you can try to help him. If the child expresses his needs clearly and the parent considers them, this helps build a calmer and more positive relationship.

Thus, your child will no longer have difficulty expressing his fears and confiding his doubts or fears to you in the future. Because he will have integrated into his subconscious that you listen to him whenever he needs it. He will also remember that you will help him find the solution to his problem, whatever it is, and therefore that he can count on you.

By guiding your child, you can make him understand why he acts in a particular way, and, above all, you can teach him how to better manage his emotions. It is an apprenticeship of several years, nothing is done overnight. But the more his brain develops, the more he learns to communicate and manage his emotions.

Positive parenting doesn't mean letting go. This means that we try to understand each other and communicate calmly. The parent does not become lax by responding to all the child's wishes, but he seeks the hidden meaning of crises and unacceptable behaviors by strengthening the bond of trust.

3. Manage your child's emotion

Managing a child's emotions and teaching them to manage their own emotions is arguably the most sensitive aspect of positive parenting. There are therefore two different situations here, each calling for a good understanding of your child's emotions.

Effective management of your child's emotions should always start with an empathetic dialogue. You will do better by following these tips:

Reformulating the child's emotions shows that we understand their feelings and value their aspirations. This can be done through phrases like "I see your anger", "you are sad", "you are very scared", etc. You must absolutely avoid judgments and comments at this level. Only then can you comfort him.

Letting him express his emotion to the end is essential. One way to let your child out is to hug him and let him cry loudly until he calms down.

Provide tools for expressing emotion. For example, suggesting that the child express his feelings and tell us what happened will allow him to put the right distance between his reaction and his emotions. There are many other means of expression depending on the age of the child, such as: organizing a calm corner in the house, creating an emotion bag, etc.

Avoid putting water on the fire in case of anger, that is to say, do not make things worse. Anger is the most difficult emotion to manage for both adults and children, it is very important to avoid accusatory words or insults when the child expresses himself through anger.

In this vein, you must absolutely avoid making your child feel guilty by comparing him to his brothers and sisters, for example. You should also avoid lecturing him in a crisis or responding to his anger with anger. The opposite will only harden his position. Also, never give your child the impression of minimizing his anger.

4. Teach your child to manage his own emotions.

A child who can control his emotions and manage their intensity responds better to life situations. That's why you need to teach your child how to manage their own emotions. The common question that many parents ask themselves is how? Follow these two steps and you will certainly manage to make your child a stable and emotionally composed person.

Recognize emotions

Managing emotions begins with recognizing them. Teach your child basic emotions, such as joy, sadness, anger, and fear by emphasizing precisely the body language associated with each emotion: frowning when angry, smiling when happy, tears when we are sad, eyes wide open when we are afraid, etc. The more complex emotions such as disappointment, guilt, and melancholy will be taught much later.

Control your emotions

Expressing emotion is different from acting out of emotion. In the first case, the child tells you, for example, that he is angry because you did not buy him his toy as promised. In the second case, the child starts breaking things in the house because you didn't buy him his toy. What you need to teach your child is how to control his emotions even if he felt like breaking things when he is not happy. One of the best strategies for teaching your child to control their emotions is by example. Try to set a good example.

If faced with a situation you feel upset, disturbed, or angry, express some of your feelings out loud and what you do to feel better when something upsets you. For example, you can say, "I'm disappointed that Mom hasn't come home to cook us dinner yet, but I'm going to watch a good movie instead." This is a great way to teach your child how to behave when angry.

5. Know your child's developmental milestones

We are not asking you to become a neurologist, rest assured. Without forgetting that each child has their own rhythm, we know that getting a two-year-old child to tie his shoes is practically impossible. However, there are conventionally established stages in the process of a child's development. And you can't effectively adopt the caring parenting approach by ignoring these steps.

Understanding the different stages will allow you to be more confident, to understand the way your child thinks, and to adapt according to their abilities. Indeed, children do not react exactly to life situations like adults.

They are still emotionally frail, and the notion of right and wrong is not yet deeply rooted in their consciousness. This is why you must know the stages of their growth to be able to show benevolence even when you judge their actions to be very or too serious. In the end, it will save you a lot of frustration.

In the same way, understanding the stages of brain development and its effects on emotional control can greatly help you know how to react. Certain phases of development are marked by particular behaviors. These phases are completely natural. You can help your child connect better with their emotions. This will allow him to understand them and mature.

6. Less screaming

Positive parenting does not mean running away from conflict by responding positively to all the child's requests. Exercising authority gently can be learned, but it is possible. The parent learns to include their child in the solution when there is a problem. In this way, he avoids shouting but makes his child responsible for his actions. In other words, the parent does not use fear to assert his authority.

What a memory when we cried at the table with our parents who forced us to finish our plate. The result: screams, tears, and punishment. There are many ways to encourage your child to eat a variety of foods. You can introduce him to fruits and vegetables by going to the market, include him in the choice of meals, and show that you eat a variety to encourage him and congratulate him when he tries new food.

If your child plays with the food and knocks over the glasses at the table, you can explain to him why you want him to respect the food and that you worked to prepare this meal. By doing so, you will not only manage to get him to adopt the right attitude but also and above all to make him responsible. The other effect of such an approach is that you teach him in doing so to control his emotions and to communicate through love and dialogue. There is a good chance that he too will educate his child in this way once he is a father.

7. Accept your share of the responsibility

The perfect parent does not exist. It's a myth! We all make mistakes and there is no one right way to raise children.

Positive parenting can help reduce the number of tantrums and tantrums, but don't put too much pressure on yourself, you're not a bad parent and nothing is ever perfect.

We are all tired, worried, or busy at times and this can affect parent-child relationships. Sometimes it is better to make a small sacrifice to ensure that your child is well-rested or has had enough affection. Children are used to having a certain rhythm and routine, when it gets a little off the rails it can have an effect on their mood.

For example, by deciding to skip your child's nap so that you can go for a walk earlier, you may not be able to enjoy the moment because your child will not be in good shape and will have mood swings.

We all make mistakes. When this is the case, you can apologize to your child. You are their prime example, the person they imitate and look up to. If you apologize, not only will he probably forgive you very quickly, but it can take away that feeling of guilt that we may feel after speaking too harshly or shouting.

And then, don't underestimate the wonderful gift of children to reproduce what you do. Apologizing to them will also teach them to apologize to others when necessary.

8. House Rules

For the establishment of the rules, it is advisable to follow some tips.

The involvement of children

Involving your child in writing the rules is a good way to encourage them to follow them. They are not imposed by you but everyone establishes them together. The consequence of the child's involvement in writing the house rules is that he automatically appropriates them. He doesn't see the rules as something imposed on him, but rather as a personal decision. It, therefore, runs spontaneously and joyfully.

Everyone follows the rules

As we have said, the child tends to imitate his parents. You can use this to your advantage. If your child sees that you follow the established rules yourself, he will do it much more easily. For example, if he sees you keeping your shoes on in the house when the rules say you have to take them off, he will naturally misunderstand the rule and not follow it.

If you have more than one child, the rules may of course vary. In this case, it will be necessary to adapt them according to the age of each child. A 3-year-old will not be able to do the same as a 7-year-old. Thus, it is advisable in the distribution of tasks to entrust the most difficult tasks to the oldest.

However, if the task in its execution involves too much exposure to the entourage, it will be better to entrust it to younger people. Otherwise, the wounded ego of adolescence aided by the whims of his age could cause this child to refuse to perform certain tasks.

For example, don't ask the teenage eldest to clean the yard while his younger siblings are working inside. He might take it as a punishment, an injustice rather than a task, and therefore refuse to comply.

Simplicity goal

When writing and explaining, use short sentences and very simple vocabulary. No need to bombard your child with a long speech, he will probably understand better in a few words. If you can, use colorful expressions, or accompany your rules with an exciting story that educates on the validity of the rules you write together. Children understand better with pictures.

Also, construct motivating phrases that spur action, while emphasizing the positive impact on the family of following the rules or getting the chores done. Once the reason for these rules is understood and accepted by all, their executions will not suffer from any reluctance.

Content and wording

To avoid any negotiation, each rule has logical consequences. If I hurt someone, I apologize. If I have finished eating, I ask permission to leave the table. This is very important, disposing the child to recognize his fault and to understand that he is being punished when he does wrong.

Moreover, it prepares him psychologically to integrate into society. He will have no difficulty later in assimilating the implication of social relations. Since society is governed by rules and laws, the violation of which leads to sanctions, deprivation of freedoms, or death sentences.

When it comes to formulating rules, try to opt for positive phrases rather than prohibitions. This avoids the negative aspect of ' what you can't do and encourages positive behavior instead. For example, instead of "do not shout in your rooms" write rather "keep silent in your rooms".

Constancy

One of the golden rules for proper functioning is consistency. The rules and their consequences must always be the same to be accepted and followed by the child.

Not only must these rules be the same without contradicting each other, but they must also be the same for everyone. The opposite case could create an impression of injustice or favoritism, which will have the effect of undermining living together.

When the rules are created, we go around together to explain them. Similarly, as soon as we add one, we think about taking the time to let everyone know.

Of course, being constant does not mean that there cannot be exceptions during festive events for example. If there is a big house party with guests wearing their shoes and going from the garden inside, the child will understand very well that he too can keep his shoes on that day. It will still distinguish between a particular day and the rest of the year.

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