What is responsive parenting? Experts say it's about 'breaking the cycle of disrespect
When it comes to choosing the best way to raise your children, the list of parenting methods can be overwhelming. Do you identify as a more democratic, permissive, authoritarian, overprotective, or perfectionist parent?
We say that when it came to dealing with tasks such as setting boundaries, dealing with bad behavior, and teaching your child a method of positive discipline, his journey led him to "gentle parenting".
This is a parenting style of fostering the qualities you want to see in your child through compassion and consistent boundaries.
"Soft parenting can help a family's dynamics become healthier and more empathetic," said Robert Johnson, adding that the practice can also decrease tension and resentment between caregivers and children.
“In gentle parenting, parents set firm boundaries to make children feel safe, but they also provide space for children to express their thoughts, wishes, and needs. »
“Families can also adapt to choose behaviors and rules that are more beneficial for everyone,” Johnson said. “Being able to adapt to change is essential to effectively navigate life's ups and downs. »
What is responsive parenting?
“Soft parenting is a parenting style that encourages a relationship with your children based on their desires and choices, rather than parent-imposed expectations and rules,” says Shauna Hatcher, certified nutritionist and expert writer for National Wellness and Public Health Network. “She educates young people to do the right thing by emphasizing optimism and patience rather than fear or punishment. »
Shauna Hatcher says that parents who practice gentle parenting nurture their children by treating them like a little adults: their feelings are heard and respected, and discipline takes the form of real consequences rather than punishments imposed by parents.
But what is a real-life scenario where soft parenting can be seen in action? Shauna Hatcher says to imagine asking your child to wait for you before walking across the room with a tall glass of orange juice. Instead of listening, the child runs across the room, spills the orange juice, becomes visually frustrated with the accident, and acts out.
Within the guidelines of gentle parenting, getting angry is not an option. A gentle parenting response would instead involve getting at eye level with the child and helping them regulate their emotions by expressing their understanding of their frustration, then reminding them that it is precisely to avoid accidents like this. and keep him safe as you give him advice.
Instead of consequences like confiscating a favorite toy, which some might consider a "traditional punishment", the child would be asked to help clean up the mess they made: a real consequence of spilling the juice orange.
How to get started with responsive parenting
As a parenting expert and father who uses soft parenting in his own home, he says it's important for parents to do research before starting this parenting style to make sure the practice is right for their family.
He recommends finding books, blogs, and even courses in soft parenting before getting started, but offers some tips for parents wondering how to start soft parenting.
First, point out to your child that he has a voice and that you want him to use it. By allowing your child to have a voice when you make a decision, they are more likely to feel respected and heard.
Mo Mulla also suggests learning what will calm each of your children when they are upset, remembering that what works for one child may not work for another. And the father warns against starting a sentence with "Because I said so", which can prevent a child from understanding the situation and learning from it.
“If you have multiple children, try to spend some one-on-one time with each of them, even if it's just a few minutes once or twice a day,” adds Mo Mulla.
Problems with soft parenting
Are there any downsides to gentle parenting? It all depends on who you ask.
Mo Mulla, for example, says he sees "no major downside" to his parenting style.
However, Shauna Hatcher warns that soft parenting can be a lot of work for parents and it takes a lot of patience.
“This parenting method requires a lot of self-control,” she says. “You must be proactive rather than reactive and you must make deliberate judgments and model empathy, understanding, respect, and communication. »
“Sweet parenting begins when we make the decision to break the cycle of disrespectful parenting in our families,” she explains, “and begin to respond differently to our children. »
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